My eldest has been taken out this evening with her Grandma to the fair and loved it! She went on about four things by herself and ate a whole portion of chips - not bad for a three year old.

I've been ordering Yankee candles to give as Christmas presents and I've got two new ones on the dresser. There's two more on order and I'm going to keep my favourite. So far I have Jack Frost, which is minty and fresh with a snowman on the front and the children love it; and Gingerbread, which smells gorgeously homely and just like lebkuchen (which always reminds me of the first date I had with my husband as we scoffed some after going to the supermarket). I'm waiting on Hollyberry and White Chocolate Mint, which is meant to be scrummy.

The plumber is coming back tomorrow to finish the bathroom - will wonders never cease?! Once it's finally finished I will post up photos. All we have left to do is paint as my husband did put up the new blind/mirror/cabinet/shelves etc on Sunday afternoon in the end once his hangover subsided a bit!

Something nice for a change :)

Just thought I would add a pic of the heart I made last night for a friend's daughter whose first birthday is coming up (as you can probably guess by her date of birth!). I really hope my friend likes it, it took a couple of hours to make. I love it on the dresser with that plate and candle, I think I may have to make another for my girls!

Silent Scream

I am up with youngest again, watching QVC. That's all I'm going to say or I may explode.

Life a LOT Calmer

I've just read back over my last two posts and feeling a huge relief that things have improved. I won't delete them as too many people pretend that motherhood is all baking cookies and dancing in the rain so there's my stab at honesty!

Not a lot has happened today. We are meant to be putting up the bathroom cabinet, replacement shelves (we have swapped the too long ones for ones that should be narrow enough) and loo roll holder. However, darling husband went out for "a few beers" last night. This turned into him rolling home at 3:30am completely incoherent and feeling terribly hungover most of today. I don't feel great anyway as I've got a bad throat and head but I'm not as bad as him. I would suggest we do it now except that our youngest is asleep and her room is right next to the bathroom. I'm not sure she would appreciate the drilling too much!



We've bought some beige paint, in "Wheatgrass" by Crown (though I'm not sure about the name as that conjures up visions of green sludge in a glass!). Hopefully if you click this link you'll be able to see it on the feature wall: http://www.crownpaint.co.uk/colour/691/wheatgrass.htm The plumber is allegedly fitting the bath panel this week so if we can get everything else done then it will finally be done! And hopefully an oasis of tranquility. I have to say that despite the problems we've had I'm really pleased we used marble on the walls and floor. The natural material has so many different tones and shades that you just couldn't have got in a manufactured product. My favourite wall tile (is it totally sad to have a favourite?) has a white fan shape in it that looks just like a feather to me. To the tiler I know that the variations in colour presented a problem, but to me it's what makes it special.

The fair is setting up in town today ready to be here all week. I think I will take the girls to it tomorrow. Wish me luck with all that sticky candyfloss!

Still Mad

Right, it's 4:50am... I was up 2:00am-4:30am with my youngest. Then I went to get in bed and found my eldest awake in there and telling me she wanted to come downstairs. Cried. Got told by husband can have a decent night's sleep tomorrow. Cried more. Now downstairs (again) having had 3 hours sleep in total. I'm so fed up with my life, it is totally pointless. Even the house is a tip as there seems no point tidying it when there are kids awake practically 24/7 to make it untidy again. I give up.

Humiliated

There's nobody I can talk to in "real life" about this right now so I thought I would put it on my blog (though it might get deleted later). I feel absolutely as low as you can go right now.

Today started badly anyway as both girls were up by 6.30am (having not gone to bed until 11pm last night, so I have had no time off from them whatsoever). I woke up wearing all my clothes from yesterday as I'd had to cuddle eldest to sleep in my bed and then I fell asleep too. I also had a sore throat, bad back and headache. Eldest was playing merry hell about having breakfast and having her hair done and my youngest kept running away when I was trying to get her dressed. My other half was saying "She's only eighteen months old, you can't let her be in charge". Well, whatever to that. I know the kids are in charge and so do they.

There's a photographer at preschool today and we were told we could have a sibling photo done. Eldest was all keen on the idea yesterday but this morning the little brat kept snivelling and saying she didn't want to go.

So anyway my husband drove us there - or we wouldn't have gone. I then spent the longest and most humiliating 45 minutes of my life where both girls screeched and carried on and refused to go in front of the photographer. All the other children were good as gold and had their photos taken without a problem, but mine had to be the ones who desperately need Supernanny didn't they. After a lot of persuasion I got their shoes off as specified by the photographer but they wouldn't co-operate. In the end after several failed attempts and many "looks" from other parents I gave up and left with my youngest - my eldest is there for the morning session anyway so is there until midday. One of my friends and her daughter were leaving at the same time but she couldn't wait to get away from me instead of walking back together as we normally do when our routes co-incide. I spent the whole walk home crying my eyes out in public, how pathetic. Then I left a tearful message on my husband's mobile answerphone as he's on an all day course today and very busy.

In 30 minutes I have to go and collect my eldest and I really, really, really don't want to go back there and face the assistants and other parents again. I am the worst parent in the world. I'm not just saying that, it's true. I'm useless, I hate it and my whole life is spent bored and wishing for something else to do. Sometimes I wish I'd never had any children and it must show. I wish I could be like these other wonderful, patient mothers whose love just glows from them instead of the one that's red faced and shouting at their offspring, who totally ignore me. My eyes are still red, I feel like shit and I just want to run away. Thank Christ my little one is asleep or I may have imploded.

Surprising Beauty

I love it when you see something that's just gorgeous, and totally unexpected. When I was walking back from preschool this morning somebody had obviously spilled some petrol on the station forecourt, plus it was drizzling, so there was a series of beautiful rainbow puddles. I haven't seen one of these for years, but they absolutely fascinated me as a child. I thought it was magic that a rainbow was trapped in a puddle. Perhaps it is.

My youngest is being quite grizzly today. She had a temperature a couple of days ago but I think it's teething this time. She wants lots of cuddles (which of course I don't mind - I'll enjoy it while I can!). Both her and her sister were up til 10pm last night but it was the first bad night in a while. In the end I offered to lie down with my eldest and we went to sleep together; me with my arm around her and holding her delicate little hand. I know I shouldn't do that really but moments like that are precious, just like when a butterfly lands on me I didn't like to move in case the spell was broken.

I just got a Whippet Grey catalogue through that I requested months ago. It has fascinating items in it, and gorgeous photography as you can see below with the feather and wire birds. I love some of the things in there, I will have a proper look later when I have some peace and quiet.

Day Out

We had a really good morning yesterday. We went on the train to Sherborne to "Pack Monday" where my eldest had her face painted and we got some free helium balloons and looked at all the stalls. Apart from getting nagged constantly to buy a huge lollipop from one of the many sweet sellers we had a fun time and both girls enjoyed the train ride both ways too. We watched schoolboys trying to climb a wobbly rope ladder to win £20 (all we saw failed), a man blowing huge bubbles and about three "genuine" gypsies trying to entice people into getting their fortunes told.

We got home by 1.30, as the tiler said he would be here "mid afternoon" and actually arrived at 4.45. Ahem. I'm afraid I was quite rude and announced we'd be going out to my mum's for tea - which was true, it has been arranged since last week - and left him alone with the keys and not so much as a cuppa. He's coming back today to grout and I will try to be considerably nicer! This is week six and I'm completely fed up. I've heard nothing from the plumber about the bath panel and have lost his phone number but I'm taking the view that as long as the job isn't finished I don't have to pay him yet!

No plans for today except preschool, and I really must post all the ebay things I've sold. The buyers are probably all getting annoyed with me now :-/

Creative Thinking

Mother in law and my eldest have been out tidying the front garden (OK tiny, paved area!) today while I was at work and they've trimmed the lavenders. So I now have a lovely bundle to decide what to do with. I think I might do some mini stacked cushions tied together with ribbon to give away for linen cupboards. Or maybe put them into fabric hanging hearts.

I was so pleased today as I saw James from work for the first time since he got married a month ago and he said he and his wife really liked the heart I made with their names and wedding date embroidered on it, apparently people have commented on it. Also one of my friends has asked me to make a similar one for her daughter's first birthday as she loves them, which made me really happy! Just designing it now, I know she wants something very girly and her name is Poppy so I might do something pretty in reds, greens and whites. Not sure just yet but I will post up a picture of it when it's done.

Pants Couple of Days

Today and yesterday have been a bit yuck. Yesterday I felt like crap because my youngest kept me up 3am - 5:30am the night before. So I started the day tired and with a headache and pretty much went on feeling the same.

My eldest has been the devil incarnate the last two days. Right now she's asleep on the sofa, having missed dinner by falling asleep just as I was serving it (she is impossible to wake once asleep). As it's only 6pm and she's eaten nothing since this afternoon I now have the dilemma of whether to sneak her into bed - risking either her waking up starving around 9pm and then refusing to go back to bed, or her waking about 5am tomorrow. Neither option is good but if I let her sleep on the sofa for a bit and then wake her up once she's sleeping a bit lighter she probably still won't go to bed. Argh! My husband is out for another two hours so I can't ask his advice either.

Earlier on I had four mummy friends over and their kids and it was absolute chaos! The kids got out all the toys and then disappeared off to the kitchen. We later discovered they were using my youngest's brand new duvet cover as a blanket and having a picnic on the kitchen floor. Eek. They ate almost all the mini sausages, some ham, the last yoghurt and some tomatoes.

Then once all their friends had gone home my own children turned into a nightmare. Well, not so much little one but my eldest... argh! Last week she squeezed every lotion and potion she could find into a puddle on my bedroom floor. Now she has done the same on the landing. Now, I don't know if you have ever tried to clean detergent out of a carpet but bubble bath and shampoo are impossible to remove. If you've got half a bottle soaked into the fibres all it does is foam... and foam.. and foam... and, you get the idea. I can't believe it's only been down a month.

The bathroom saga continues, I wish we'd never started the damn thing now. On Monday the tiler is coming to tile the boxing in and finishing it Tuesday. And it's a total mystery as to when/if the bath panel will ever arrive.

I've attached some pics of plants in the garden; Dad's rose has two new buds on it (is that unusual in October?) and the plant that I don't know the name of but it's a bit snapdragon-y and quite traily has got new flowers. The last pic is of my eldest wearing the fleecy sleepsuit I bought for my youngest. She is three and the sleepsuit is size 18-24m! And yes, it has a little tail! Believe it or not that is actually the best shot I got as she kept posing and then running away when I pressed the button.

Wet, Rainy & Miserable

That's me and the weather! The hems of my trousers are soggy from walking my eldest to preschool in the rain... and her insistence on jumping in every puddle! At least she was well covered in a coat with a hood, welly boots and her new ladybird umbrella. She has been an absolute demon this morning - hair pulling, trying to wrap a ribbon round her sister's neck, stealing the grown up scissors and generally being whingey and demanding. So I am very glad to be having a rest as my youngest is asleep and the house is quiet. I am so stressed I have "treated" myself to a lunch consisting of a can of full fat Coke and a Boost. Mmm mmm very nutritious!

Thinking about Christmas

Christmas is going to be tight this year, we're pretty broke thanks to me spending all our money in one fell swoop and I don't really know how we're affording the girls' presents yet, let alone anyone else's. Soooo, I've been thinking about making or sewing presents, but I'm hoping that's not too weird. My ideas so far are...


Christmas tree decorations - felt or Christmas fabric trees/stockings/stars with teeny buttons on

Heart shaped door hangers with "Merry Christmas" embroidered on them

Handmade truffles in teeny petit four cases presented in Kilner jars with a rustic tag and ribbon

Iced Christmas themed biscuits in a Christmassy gift box.

Wish me luck!

Lazy Sunday

We've done not a lot today! I was up from 4.45am with a pickle-ish toddler, but then my husband let me back to bed at 7am and I slept til midday!!!!! When I woke up our other little girl was in with me, which was a bit of a surprise, but a nice one. Then it was lunch at my Grandma's, which was gorgeous. We had beef pot roast with divine roast potatoes, green beans, shallots and swede. Followed by profiteroles with cream, raspberries and crushed meringue, mmmm. The girls had fun playing with some books my Mum had bought them which had blank faces and magnetic features you could stick to them.

When we got home the girls watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and are now watching Harry Potter. I am keeping an eye on my ebay auctions which are all ending tonight and doing fairly well.

Reflections

Me, hubby and youngest went to visit my brother-in-law's flat today. It's got a lot of work to be done but it's easily as large as our old two bedroom house, and it feels more like a house than a flat too. The two bedrooms are doubles, the living room is big enough to hold a table and chairs and the kitchen has enough space to eat in too. My b-i-l has been asking my advice on decorating, which I feel is such a compliment. He's going to paint the living room in Ivory Cream by Crown (one of my favourite shades to capture the light) and have the chimney breast as a feature wall in a brown and gold metallic wallpaper. With the brown leather sofas he has on order I think it will look great. I have to admit I do feel a tad envious because I've never lived alone - not that it's something I would want to happen right now! - and also he has the exciting challenge of a whole two bedroom flat to furnish and decorate, which is going to look stunning when it's finished.

I have been pondering the idea of house as a reflection of self today. I've read in dreams books that if you dream of a house that it represents yourself. I have had so many dreams about houses with lots of staircases but no way out, or spooky rooms, or strange public bathrooms, that I don't dare to think what that implies about me! The image below is one of MC Escher's works of art, which I have always been fascinated with and do remind me of some of my stranger dreams.


Anway, back to the subject... I find that when our house is tidy and well ordered I feel so much calmer and happier. When it's messy and there's a lot of clutter I feel depressed. But I do wonder if it's a chicken and egg situation - which is the cause and which the effect? I wonder if others feel like this sometimes? The existence of Feng Shui suggests to me that they do. I am not really into Feng Shui but I am convinced that the main positive effects are gained from keeping your space neat and free of junk. For example there's something intensely satisfying about seeing sunlight reflect from a polished wooden dresser and being able to clearly see the lovely rich grain of the wood. A coating of dust makes everything seem darker and hides the beauty of whatever lies beneath.

Playful

We've had a playful day today. This morning I took the girls to Waitrose and they had a brilliant time playing in the little houses outside the big toyshop that's nearby. They absolutely love them and it's the first time little one has been able to join in properly as we bought her and her big sister some adorable boots from Tesco yesterday so she can walk about now. There were plenty of admiring glances for them as they were playing so sweetly! Then they caused havoc in Waitrose, but in a good way :)

This afternoon my eldest and I have been taking turns pretending to be the mummy or the daddy or one of the girls, which is quite fun. Hearing her speak like she thinks I do is really funny!

Sleepy

I'm soooo tired. Between the two of them my girls kept me downstairs (watching QVC as it's the most child friendly channel at that time of night!) until 4am this morning. I'm totally fed up. This is ridiculous. We are all told that children sleep through the night from six months. It's a lie!!!!! Anyone who's reading this who is thinking of having children I'd advise not to unless you really don't mind not sleeping for about eighteen years.

Look up!

I spent this morning in town with my youngest while my eldest daughter was at preschool and had a lovely time. We accidentally ended up going to a new toddler group in Waterstones, which little one loved as she got to do colouring in (without being shouted at by big sis for taking the crayons!) and had some Maisie books read to her. I met another Mum who has just moved down here from Lancashire and her two year old, which was nice. I think I will go again next week as it fits in so well with our timetable. Then we went to M&S for a browse of the home items - I had to drag myself away from the watermelon candles and the sweet bergamot ones as both smell absolutely divine.

The reason for my post title is because whenever I go to town I always look above me; above the shiny shopfronts and above to the buildings that they are hiding. I'll post some more pictures up next time I go to town but this is the clock above Waterstones. In the first picture you can also see the cathedral in the background. I'm very lucky to live in such a gorgeous town but it is far more attractive once you get above the ground floor levels! I'd advise anyone to look higher when they go to their town as it's really amazing what you can miss even if you've lived somewhere your whole life.

It's my little brother's birthday today (he is a whole 15 months younger!). He's turned twenty seven and is none too happy about it. I said yesterday I had ordered him a stylophone. Well it hasn't arrived yet so I've bought him absolutely all the nostalgic sweets I could find in Woolies earlier and put them in a gift bag. He has a Wham, three Kinder Eggs, a mini box of After Eights, a Milkybar, a Curly-Wurly, Black Jacks, Tooty Frooties, Jelly Tots, Pez, Hubba Bubba, Dip Dab, Refreshers, Chewits, a Flump bar, a Double Lolly, a Fruit Polos, Fruit Salads, a Drumstick Lolly and some Haribo Starmix. Can you tell we grew up in the 1980's?! I hope this will remind him of his youth! I also hope he doesn't mind sharing!