This is a bit random today so you'll have to bear with me. As the weather's cheered up so have I and I'm trying to be more optimistic about things. I've taken no anti-depressants in about eight weeks, though I won't say this is it forever because I've been here before (twice) and gone back to them but so far I am coping pretty well. So this is a post to try and stop me beating myself up over stupid things.
The bad things
I may never see size 10 again (hell, I might not even see 16).
I swear too much.
I eat too much.
I sometimes forget to get the washing in at night and leave it there all the next day.
I let things get too untidy. I hate washing up. I like sleeping too much. I have a quick temper. I don't always remember birthdays in time. Money burns a hole in my pocket and I never iron.
But... who is perfect?
The good things
I do my best to make sure my girls get what they need (even when that's not the same as what they want).
I have been blessed with a creative side that has only really come out in the last few years. I have finally seen that not being especially "outstanding" at anything in particular at school really doesn't matter in the long term.
I have a husband who I love to bits.
I have a secure home that I enjoy and love to make prettier all the time.
I realise that preferring the charms of Devon and Cornwall for holidays instead of roasting on a beach is not actually wrong, just different.
I am lucky to live in a beautiful town even if I don't live in the posh part of it.
I hope that I am a good friend and I am lucky to have made so many more through blogging.
So all in all, I don't think I'm doing too badly! I think we should all try and see the good things about us and our lives more often. I hope you're all having a great Monday xxx
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59 comments:
Sounds to me like you are a lovely human being who like all of us is not perfect but not far off! You have a lovely approach to the way you view whats important to you. And a beautiful family. Lisaxxx
This is such a lovely post. You come across as a likeable, warm person. We all have our faults but if we don't accept ourselves we can never truly be happy. Have a lovely day and a lovely week. Be positive!x
Oh you are so sweet and remind me so much of myself! No really! the washing thing well thats me all over, hell I would love to see a size 18 these days (sssh dont tell anyone) and as for swearing guilty as charged your honour. And yep I love a good lie in and am a right grumpy cow in the mornings! Food bring it on all the wrong stuff, although I do try hard to cut down, although all i end up doing is swap one bad habbit for another.
But you know you look so beautiful on your wedding pics and your man looks like the cat thats got the cream too! your girls are gorgeous and who really cares about school once you left it? Much the same as you I dont hanker after holidays abroad there are some places that sound tempting but you have to fly there no go for me unless you do a B A Barracus on me! I am much happier exploring our country and staying lovely cottages when we can. And I have suffered with post natal depression after my youngest, I think with all the bad stuff that happened after she was born. I dont even remeber the first year of her life much, it past in such a pea soup fog.
Thanks for that post it put a smile on my face just by recognising the simialraties. Its nice to know your not alone in your thinking or ways. And as for being different I like being seperate from the crowd! Must do as I was a goth in my late teens and early 20's.
Anyway you have struck a cord and I have waffled on too much!
P.s. I have that picture in your post title as a screen saver as gerbas are my favourite flower! spooky!
Me again just thought you would like to know I cant stand Ironing it makes me feel completely depressed! and as for money well give me a tenner to get through the week and I will be as tight as poss. give me £100 and it will be gone by tuesday! lol.
right i will leave you alone now!
I have to say that I answered 'yes' to all of your bad points too, so your not on your own girl. I think we all feel dreadful and depressed sometimes, but it is a very good idea to stop and take a look at all the good things we do have, and all the good things about us.
Jessx
Hey you have won my giveaway!!
I notice you have two girls, If you would like them to recieve a heart each then I dont mind.
Leave me a comment with your email, I moderate my comments so I wont publish it!
Get thinking of how you would like your heart/ hearts to be.
Congrats Clare
I don't think you are on your own - most of things relate to me. A lovely, honest post. I'm off to read it again.
Tracey
Oh Mel ~ so much of your post I could identify with too! We all lead busy lives it seems, and the washing, ironing & housework seem to take over and can be completely overwhelming ~ sometimes I forget to do the washing at all ~ it doesn't even make it to a line! The ironing stays put until there is a clothes crisis and I take comfort in a big bar of dairy milk to make it all better and hopefully magic it away (which of course, as we know it doesn't!)
Your wedding photo is stunning! You have gorgeous girls and a gorgeous husband and a home that you love. This is what really matters. I think you just have trouble recognising and acknowledging your wonderful talents!
I would be proud to call you my friend...
A great post Mel, that I can identify with. I've been on anti depressants for just over a year and have been having Cognitive Behavoural Therapy for the same amount of time. A wonderful tip that has helped me so much is to write down 3 good things that have happened in the day, every night before bed. Even if it's something as simple as - a lovely hug from your child, a pretty flower you spot or a nice quote in a magazine. It just helps you to look at the world in a more positive light. XX
I did not realise that we had so much in common! Seriously, reading both your 'bad points' and your 'good points' makes me feel very comfortable with you. Sometimes we come over a bit 'perfect' in blogs, where we can just take photos of the stuff that looks good, and pretend the rest isn't happening. Thanks for being honest, instead of putting on a facade. God bless you and your positive outlook.
Hi Honey,
well done on giving up those hideous drugs! They don't work imo! They just mask the problem/ The problem is you need to fix you and those drugs just don't allow you to do that. All the people I know on them are like zombified fractions of their former selves. I think having emotions, good or bad, is a good thing. You need to experience the lows before you can appreciate and value the highs.
You look so pretty in your wedding dress! I've given up on the dream of being a size 10 (not that I am weight obsessed at my size 16!). I do so much exercise and don't eat much so I've come to the conclusion I am what I am. I now wear very flattering clothes that suit my figure and that has given me bags of confidence! So that's my tip, wear what you feel good in.
My other tip (I'm a negative person so this is what I do) - try to put your problems/troubles in perspective - ie, is it the end of the world that your daughter cried in front of the other mums, is the sky going to fall down because you're £10 overdrawn - that kind of thing. I find that helps a lot.
You have many talents my dear and a lot to look forward to. Just keep doing what you're doing and stay off those horrible drugs!!!
Sian x
Hey who doesn't eat too much, swear too much and forget to get the washing in - I know I do. I think we forget to look at the good things about ourselves. None of us are perfect but we still look at other people and think they are (if you see what I mean!)
Thanks for being so honest Mel, you have a lovely home and two beautiful little girls, hey who cares if you forget to get the washing in.
Take care and enjoy your day.
Nickyx
Love this post.... we have a rule in our house ... "if you want to wear it ... then iron it" !!!! Works for me!!
willow xx
Hi Mel,
Great post with fab pics. But snap! Having had a couple of good days, I've had a bad morning where I've cried and cried and now have to get myself together and get some work done! It's all about glass half full or half empty and while most of the time I see my glass as being very full, there's a couple of things that haven't happened that make me feel very low ( wanting another baby/had 3 miscarriages).
Glad you are managing to keep off the medication and I'm sure things like blogging are helping. (I prefer Devon/Kerry etc to abroad too)
Things like leaving the washing on the line for days are just normal for me, by the way. I just take that sort of thing completely for granted!
Beautiful and honest post. So refreshing! I do the same with the laundry all the time. Most of things you said are like me and like most of us. Can I just add here that when the kids are really little, that is a hard time. It was for me and for everyone I know. After they got a bit older, life smoothed out, alot!
fab post mel and your right we should take time to appreciate good and not dwell on the bad so much - im resolving to be glass half full rather than glass half empty!!!
Lx
HOW DID YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS ABOUT ME!!! No, seriously, I do all those same things, or don't do, as the case may be. We're all much more similar than any of us wants to let on. We all put on our perfect face for the world. I don't know why it's so hard to just be ourselves. Nice post.
See Mel we are all the same xxxx
What a great post x
Seriously! All those bad things could be me....all of them!!
I am guilty as charged as being weight obsessed - one little thing that helped was getting rid of the bags of size 10's out of the loft (I kept them for when I get back in them hahahahahahaha!!) No pressure now lol!! And I've put on nearly half a stone since the starving myself for the wedding so whats the point eh!!!
My eldest 2 boys are also aware of my faults...I apologise when I get it wrong (frequently). Nobody is perfect - accepting that is half the battle xxx
ps I read an interview with Sharleen Spiteri (sp??) who said that after she gave birth she felt like she had developed Tourettes as she had never sworn so much - I can soooo relate to that!! xxx
Lovely post, well done coming off the anti depressants. No one is perfect even though at times it feels like everyone else is! I hate ironing, need to lose weight, eat too much, spend too much etc. Your wedding photo is stunning, your girls are gorgeous and your home looks beautiful alot to be thankful for.
Yvonne x
I don't go abroad either don't feel the need!
Lovely post Mel!
I think everyone of us can relate to you one way or another.
Well done for coming off the anti-depressants.
Hugs
Beki xxx
As Michael Jackson says 'You are not alone', you, me and thousands of others - nobody but nobody is perfect and at my age now there's not much bloody point in worrying about it. Life is too short as it is and there is always someone a lot worse off than us out there. Keep positive, keep smiling ..... Debbie x
congratualtions on your achievement...you are an inspiration!
x
Hi there, could really relate to your post. Am feeling a bit down myself at the moment, lots of reasons. All these comments are wonderful and must make your spirit lighter. I cannot do this sort of post myself as there are people who read my blog who I wouldn't want to hurt or upset, so I keep it tucked away..not always easy, but then life is hard soemetimes. I have my beautiful daughter and my crochet, even though it is driving me to distraction at the moment. Have a lovely week. Dev x
What a fantastic post. You've really put what I often think about myself into perspective. I have given up on size 10 (haven't been there since school) and would happily aim for a size 16 at the moment. I have the faster temper on earth!! and money that burns a hole in my pocket - well you can't take it with you when your gone can you. Good things are that a)I'm not materialistic - as much as I love pretty things I wouldn't swap the time we get together for a more stressful better paid job ever!! I don't sulk and I know i have my family's best interests at heart even if I don't get it right all the time. Hope you have a fab week and thanks for making me realise the good instead of always the bad.
xxx
Judging by the number of comments you receive on you posts it seems to me like you are a pretty popular person. You have a great number of friends on here and that's because we like you! Who cares if the washing is out for days or something isn't beautifully ironed? What matters most in this world is being a nice person - everything else pales into insignificance. You are doing a great job running a home, a job and bringing up two lovely girls.
Ruth x
I'm hearing ya sister!!!
Aaahh that is such a sweet sweet post. I love the photo of your wedding day, so beautiful.
Hope you had a wonderful Mothers Day weekend.
love
Alison
x
I think that with today's 'want, want, want' lifestyle we sometimes forget all the good things that we already have. I know that I forget sometimes! Well done for looking at the positive side of the coin and for reminding us to do the same.
PS - you look so beautiful in your wedding picture (and so happy)! x
Congratulations on being honest. We all have our faults - me especially, but it's what makes us and that can't change. I laugh at myself along with most of my friends and that's healthy.
Let's celebrate our faults and who we are!
xx
Hooray for being different! Nothing wrong with Devon and Cornwall.
I have left washing out at night and it has froen solid on the line!
You are fab!!!
What an inspirational post Mel, you should be proud of yourself for explaining it all so well to us.
My life is actually quite mundane, nothing much happens, DH goes to work, I try and bring up a very boisterous child at home then pick one more up from school and take some pretty photographs in between for here, and that's about it really don't even get the washing out let alone get it back in ;)
My swearing is atrocious and is actually getting worse as I get older, I spend money as though there is a money tree in the garden, there isn't. I eat too much confectionery and even though am a petite size, I am quite a hyper personality so can't put the weight on that I would ideally like to, would certainly like something up front ;)
I spend far too long on here when I should be playing with my child, now that I really find hard as they are so precious, and here I am talking to a screen, but as you have so wonderfully proved, we are not talking a screen are we, we are a little community here and we are in fact talking to our most inner soul and expressing our own thoughts to help us.
I reckon there are many of us who feel better for leaving a comment or two with you so well done Mel an a truly interesting and thought provoking post
X
What a lovely honest post Mel, I think we all have bad points but no one really talks about them. I love reading your blog & getting comments from you so you can't be a bad person!!! I came off the pills a year ago, went back on for a month when I lost my cat but then thought 'NO' I need to sort myself out. Fingers crossed it's working. Hey I'd like to be a size 10 (but I know I never will), I'd like to not drink so much (that's when I leave the washing out over night...LOL!!!), I'd like to not care what other people think of me & just be ME!!! I'm getting there!! :) xx
what a lovely post! I think we all feel like that sometimes.
BH x
This struck a serious chord with me. Many many thanks. Emma x
OMG! Are you my sister?!
It's so great that you are feeling so well at the moment - enough to come off the pills for the time being. That is wonderful for you.
However, if you have to go back to the pills at some point, it means you're ill enough to need them, natch.
My back is the same as your depression - I can be well, off the pills and happy with it for quite some time. But, at some point.... well, you know the rest.
This is you. This is how you are. This is who you are. This is how you are known, accepted and loved.
Very pretty, so very talented, two beautiful girls, a lovely hubby, and a lady who knows how to make a house a home, and as for everything else I would say you are normal.
I love my food so you are not alone!
Well done for accepting yourself, and what is perfect? I’ve never met anybody who is yet.
Have a fab week Mel…love Lou xxx
First of all I think we are twins. I thought I was reading about myself when I read this post. You are awesome and I love reading about your fun house and crafts. I also love hearing from a "real" person who talks openly about how life truly is. You are a wonderful person, thanks for sharing your optimism/realism with the rest of the world.
I love, love, love the pink gerberas, I love all your photographs on this post, on all your posts. You are one talented, warm, lovely and very special lady - It shines out of your blog like a starry beam.
Marylyn Monroe was a 16 plus, she was also known to swear, I don't know wether she left her washing out. But I once came up aginst one of the drawbacks of living in a small village, when I first moved here a neighbout told me she had almost called the police due to being so worried about me because I left my washing in overnight, I felt more than a tad embarrased. I am sorry to hear you've had depression. I won't say who because I want to respect her privacy, but one of my family has lived with it for years. You are very brave to move on from the anti-depressants, but please don't think any less of yourself if you ever need their help again. You are a very positive person in some ways - at least you give it out a lot here in your blog. You are also very strong, people that have experienced things like depression often are.
You're also a sweet, admirable, charming person. You know what is important in life and you are teaching this to your childen.
big pat on the bag
and a warm hug for you Mel
xx
love
xx
Sumea
Hello You,
Best cure for swearing, is when you hear you child repeat it (oh the shame!)
A nurse who I very much aspire to be like at work, once told me to count 5 blessings when you are down, based on the five senses, touch, taste, see, hear & smell. It works for me as I can get down a, partly the job at times, partly me.
You take care
Love Lydia
got an award for you! xx
This is such a thought provoking and well written post.
As humans we seem to always find it easiest to place our focus and energy on the negative things don't we? Why is that? Why don't we use all our focus and attention on the positives instead? I say lets try to ban negative thinking and from now on only focus on the positive things.
Em x
Hello Mel - I've been away from the computer a while due to horrible sinusitis, i'll spare you the details! but it was lovely to return to blogland and read such an honest and beautiful posting. I guarantee that my 'bad things' list would make you feel MUCH better! haha but thats not what it is about is it (tho i am reminded that i left towels on the line last summer for 8 days the last 4 of which they were rained on and got so heavy they broke the line and ended up a muddy pile on the ground - yuk!)) it's focusing on the positive, counting our blessings and letting ourselves be 'good enough' instead of trying to be unobtainably perfect. And its clear to me as a reader of your blog that you are a blessing to others, especially your sweet girls.
Lottie x
Hey, don't worry. We all have those bad days and we all leave washing not done, and the house a mess.(If someone doesn't, I don't wanna know about you because you'd be so perfect you'd be annoying.)
My husband has had depression on and off since he was 18 and the thing he has found that works best for him is Cognitive Therapy. It helps him deal with all those negative thoughts and I use it too when things seem overwhelming. I'm gonna be a bit different here though and say that if you end up back on the anti-depressants, don't worry,don't use it as another reason to beat yourself up. It's different for everyone, and yes, it's good for some people to wean themselves off them but for others, like hubby, we've accepted that he'll probably be on them for the rest of his life. He's not a zombie and he doesn't walk around with no emotions. It makes him more like a real person because now his emotions are a bit more rational. He's on a low dose and his depression is a mixture of environmental (where the cognitive therapy has done wonders) and physical predispostion (where the medicine helps). If taking half a tablet every day helps balance him enough so that things don't overwhelm him, leaving him able to deal with the other stuff, than that's got to be a good thing. He's had black, black moods that he's been able to control and we realise that if he wasn't on the medication, they would have turned into a full-on bout of depression. The thing he needs to avoid is getting into that black pit that he can't see out of.You can't deal with issues then because everything is distorted.
I read once a good description of depression that likened it to climbing up and down hills. When you're on the top of the hill, you can see out across the horizon and see the hills and valleys (the ups and downs)and can accept it as such. When you're in a valley, you can't see out of it and think that's all there is.
Sorry, that's all a bit heavy. But I'm sure all of us could name lots of things we love about you, or else we all wouldn't be looking on your blog all the time. It's great that you can see the positive.
Hey sweetie, hope this is a brighter week for you, totally identify with everything in your post-on sunday my mum and auntie couldnt believe the state of the house they thought a bomb had gone off-so embarassing!!!
Thanks for your comments on my blog, the dolly was a m&s one last year xxxxx
A really honest and lovely post. Sounds like you know yourself really well and accept it warts and all. Crafting and kids are a pretty good mix for happy days.
I loved you mother cup and saucer on your previous post - so gorgeous. Lovely cards from your little ones too.
I will be back to have a good read. Problem with finding all these lovely blogs is finding tome to read them.
Lisa x
Hi
Hope you are having a good day. Thank goodness the sun is back :o) I almost got blown away yesterday, was soooo windy here.
Thought I'd let you know
You still have time to Enter my Spring/Easter giveaway (about 4th post down on my blog) if you want to. It is open until midnight tomorrow
hugs
xx
Sumea
Checking in to see if you are OK & sending a big hug your way.
Love Lydia xx
(My washing is still in the machine from Sunday & have another pile to tackle & I really cannot be bothered.)
I’m not the only one checking on you then!
I hope all is ok with you, been thinking about you!
A big hug-love Lou xxx
Oh Melissa - what a perfect post. I have been where you were. Minus the kids and hubby though :) But I know what it's like and I'll never see a size 16, and sometimes I eat too much and leave a mess, but damn it, I'm happy and I'm not going to give reasons! And I think that's what accepting ourselves really means: not giving reasons or excuses for how we feel but just letting it be. Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this beautiful post, and thank you for posting to mine. It is wonderful to know there is a Kindred Melissa just across the pond.
I am sorry to hear that you battle with depression sometimes.... it is something that has visited me a few times of late..
I do admire your ability to focus on all the positives and they are all valid reasons to be cheerful...
Happy days are here to stay!
Michele xx
Bless you. Honestly if I lived nearer I'd come round and give you a great big hug. You sound just like me (except for the lovely town bit - I live in Rotherham!!!, but I do live in one of the few nice area's!). I often feel like a "Jill of all trades, mistress of none". As you can tell from the number of comments here, that whilst you are a very special and lovely individual, you are not alone with your "faults". Glad you are managing without the anti depressants. Life can be hard especially when your kids are little. You do look amazing in your wedding dress. Everyone I know who is stick thin is neurotic and/or boring so dont beat yourself up over it. (I'm a size 16 and struggling - I'm only ever thin when I am unhappy!!). Devon and especially Cornwall do it for me everytime too. I'm sending you lots of virtual love and hugs.xxxxx
Dropping by again, this was such a touching post and after reading all the comments there is something comforting in the fact that WE ARE ALL very similar. My dad was ill for 2 years with dementia and when he passed away a year ago Jan it felt like a release for him and us. In fact I grieved twice once when he was alive becase he was not him any more, he didn't know me or that I was still his little girl and then again when he passed away. Last year was the most awful year for me and I think you are a true inspiration in putting this into words.
Then I discovered the world of blogging what a joy.
Take care Mel and thanks.
For some reson, I'm only just seeing this now!
Well done Mel for getting off the tablets.....a fab step....:>))
Behind every pretty blog, there is real life filled with hard choices and upsets, joy and happiness.....thats my life really, i live in a dreadful gang torn place and have a very tricky family, with lots of issues...all do our best to get thru and smile...:>)
Keep your chin up.....you do very well just as you are!xxx
Looks like we are all together on this one. Sounds like you have alot of blessings to count and I promise the laundry and dishes will still be there when the girls grow up! Not that chores will be more fun then, just more time to craft and still get it all done. I love my kids, but I, too, am dreaming about that day! Have a great day! Liz
What a lovely lovely blog. What a great way of looking at our good and not so good points!!
Love your blog its fantastic xxxx
Could have written that myself. I've been feeling down of late, mainly with my weight being an issue in all aspects of life, and wanting to start a family. So I've been getting out in the spring sunshine and just walking, its very rewarding and hopefully the pounds will start to fall off soon. I hope you start to feel more like yourself soon. Have a big hug from me :o). xxxx Pixie xxxx
Hi. Just wanted to leave you a nice message after reading your blog post. I could tick off all of your bad points too - especially surrounding food & housework. I would cheerfully give away my ironing to anyone daft enough to take it on!
I have only just found your blog but I had to pop on and comment I love your blog .I can so relate to your post
thank you
I wish you all the best
hugs Beth
Look at those little sweethearts in the last photo... You are doing great!... Donna @ An Enchanted Cottage
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